I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
