If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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