When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Actions speak louder than pants.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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