Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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