fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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