i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
