you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
