Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
