i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
