I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
