well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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