My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
