is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Less talking, more tequila
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
