just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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