Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
