Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
