the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize