do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
