Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
