I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize