i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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