eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Michael Bay diarrhea
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize