Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
