Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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