his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
