Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
