quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize