There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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