She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
