I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
