I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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