party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize