who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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