She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
