do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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