We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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