How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
