You made me cry and you don't even care
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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