My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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