He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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