just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
