And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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