Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
