Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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