beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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