good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
