She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
