then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize