Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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