Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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