I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize