Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
