you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
