fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
