Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
