uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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