Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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