Someone shit on the floor
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
