well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
