we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize