she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
