I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
