is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
