My Higher Power is John Stamos
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
