I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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