I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
