she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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