His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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