i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
