I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Drake has all the answers
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize