Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
