what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
