So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
