i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
