Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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