u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
we should paint friendship bongs
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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