Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
