i may or may not be watching the land before time
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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