with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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