I want to have your abortion
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize