If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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