this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So much rum. So many feels.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
