Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
