we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Sober January is a disaster.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
