oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
