She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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