ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
