yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
