Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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