At least make sure they are 18
Why
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
