Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
this hospital has no fireball
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
