I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Randomize
