Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
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