remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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