He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
